Blogs come in handy.
Yes, I know y u became the u nw.
And yes my dear, I noticed I was one of the reasons.
Just din expect it to be true...
Since I always feel so insignificant in ur life.
*takes a deep breath*
Yeahh me, the one in the list,
Yeahh without doubt,
I know why u seldom hang out wit me.
1) hornbill
2) certain reasons. I may nt noe. Since I dunno whn u stop telling me things.
Well, I do know. After the incident of JDL which I said no to.
Yeahh.. Shud be after tat.....
3) homework?
I cant say much..
I noticed.
I care.
I understand.
Since u're so busy with hornbill n stuff..
Din rly wanna bother u..
I can b a nuisance I noe.
Sometime I wanna talk to you but u jz look too sienz.
"mayb hornbill gt prob. mayb freak made her angry again. mayb... "
Thr's so many maybe(s)....
I dont know u tat well no more...
N tat hurt me.
Btw, yes, I am an analytical person.
No doubt if u noe me, I will definately noe u even more.
N of cz as an analyser, I do observe tat ppl change.
I myself CHANGED.
I dunno wad am I anymore in ur life.
I dunno why I even existed in your world with such small significance.
N I din ditch you.
U ditched me 1st....
Everytime I wanted to find some1 to talk to,
1st will b ya.
Den so many reason came up:
1) Wad if she laughes? tease? ignore?
[Since u always did tat whn I rly spoke wad bothered me]
2nd is Nuts
1) But if I tell her... definately u would noe.. same thing again.
3rd Potato
1) If u noe hw she is. Most of the things slips outta her.. sry to say but its true.
zzZz. So in the end, I kept everything to myself...
I dunno whether u noticed o nt..
But everytime u speak to me its like..
U're trying to make me feel... I dunno hw to say it.
"Bowman are cool. Mit is jz LAME"
◘ 1st thing flashed my mind : She wan me to regret making a mit.
"Nananana~~ I lvl same as u lo..."
"If I din revive u, how u lvl leh??"
"So? Tat Bishop de peranan. Rly help me lvl de is mafia."
◘ 1st thing flashed my mind: I'm jz a bs with peranan. nt more nt less.
◘ 2nd thing: spam so much pot fer this. =="
◘ 3rd thing: Even mafia more significant in ur life den me.
"Sorry arh Karen, my feet gt prob cant stop vibrating."
[since I tip-toeing my foot on her stool supporter]
Karen: Lol. The base area too small izzit?
U: "Base area small or too heavy?"
◘ 1st thing: Wtheck?
◘ 2nd thing: Yuan lai she very zai yi have a fatty fren.
◘ 3rd thing: wanna cry liao.
Other ppl say nvm lo. since they dunno me.
But whn u say it, its jz so......... aihhz.
The only person whom I can speak to seems to b xxx.
Tat's hw we gt close. nt jz because of debate...
xxx was always thr.
But I wasnt fer her.. which I wanted to.
I am always always here for u..
But sometimes, I feel lk u're nvr thr... for me.
I din mean to fly everytime she appears okay??
Cz my heart was hurt. Pretty much I shud say,
I felt more comfortable being with her.
I feel more acknowledged, significant...
SIGNIFICANCE.
izzit so hard to show it??
To be truthful,
Tears jz came rolling down whn I read wad Ah Keat Zai wrote.
Those words, despite the vulger,
rly rly rly pierce thru my heart.
"Shut up if eu dunno wad my mei wan"
"Think eu all rly understand her?"
"Nvr think of her feelings?"
"Dont assume eu self understand my mei very well"
"Think b4 eu ever do o say smth to my mei"
"Pls dont ditch her alone"
Wad made the tears came wasnt guilt.
It was the fact that I rly couldnt understand u anymore.
I dunno wad to say. wad to do. anymore.
Am I really assuming so much? Do I actually understand u at all?
Must bffs think so much before saying smth?
So near yet so far.
Tat's wad we are.
Another thing that made me feel so hurt.
Was the fact tat somehw...
Ah Keat Zai replaced me.
He replaced me in ur life.
I again. became insignificant.
I wrote something in my other blog. If u wanna read it, u noe whr to go.
[p/s to other ppl: ur IQ determines ur findings]
I am INSIGNIFICANT.
Everywhr, anywhr, anytime. anyhu.
Boo..
Even today during Pengawas meeting. I stood up 1st before many.
But Elvy missed out my name.
Boo again.
I'm invisible. yay.
I dunno whether I ditched u o nt.
maybe I did. maybe I din.
U r a somebody.
U r a very very VERY close and best frend of mine.
But u seem so far frm me tis year.
And I dont see the effort of u getting near.
Its nt tat I din try to find out d prob.
D prob between us, [me stopping to explore ur heart?]
D prob u r facing. [xxx and xxx?]
Its jz tat, I'm tired...
Mayb u dont noe it.
Wad am I saying, of cz u dont.
Analysing, empathy.. Finding solutions, UNDERSTANDING.
Giving the correct advice.
Its very very tiring.
Esp if u feel that person wouldnt do the same..
Or CANT do the same.
Uncertainties bailed out on me.
Feelings bailed out on me.
Insignificance bailed out on me.
I'm nt as big heart as u think I am..
I have a small heart too.
I just chose to make it bigger if I had the chance.
I noe u can too.
Everyone can.
We are all humans with a fragile heart are we nt?
Everything is EASY SAY HARD TO DO gurl.
Tat's wad made L-I-F-E life.
Btw, we may have said tat u r too stupid to believe sum1 tat u can nvr meet in ur life.
Seriously, I may have said it.
But I dont rly mean it. Cz I noe what type of person u r. or u were.
U're very naive. easy believer. soft hearted...
Believe in LOVE. Wants to continue to believe in LOVE.
That's wad made u fell for him.From the beginning, whn u said u let go dy.
I noe u din. But I knew u were trying..
As u see here, whn one got hurt, one tends to guard their hearts.
Build a wall around it.
The same thing tat's happening to us.
Subconsciously we had build walls between our hearts.
The fear of getting hurt.
Since whn my fren, since whn...
We started to keep things away frm each other?
Since whn we mask ourselves?
I dunno whether u noticed.
But I did. Since I observe, analyze etc.
And tat hurt me deeply.
Its like u dont trust me anymore.
U dont NEED me anymore.
INSIGNIFICANCE.
again.....
Hope we can untangle tis terrible thing.
Hope to get ur feedback.
God bless,
Love ♥,
Tasiah.
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