thin as glass

Death & tragedy happens on a daily basis in every part of the world...
But it is when it happens to someone in proximity with you,
you are reminded of the harsh reality - that life is so fragile.
Anything can happen and you can lose life as easily as breaking a thin piece of glass.

A while ago, Orpheus (my MMU friend from KK) was involved in a car accident and was emitted into the Melaka General Hospital ICU. It was such a shock and so heart wrenching. I'm not close with him but was affected by what happened so imagine his family and his close friends. I jumped out of bed when I saw his news on facebook. It was just a few days before that we talked about going back to KK after the exams.

And today a plane crashed into a house in Kudat.
2 fatalities. One of them a co-pilot, the other a 96 y/o man. (May their souls rest in peace)
The co-pilot, Marc Joel Bansh, only 23.
When I read about it, I only thought that "It's such a pity. His life, his career barely started and then this." But then something was pricking at my memory. And it hit me, 'Bansh'. Realization. He's my Form 5 tuition mate's brother. My condolences to him and his family.

Sigh. When things like this happen, thoughts like "Is this really happening? Just yesterday I  talking to him", "We were laughing and chilling just that day! Making plans and everything.." etc pop up in your head.

It's crazy isn't it? But it's real.
It's [insert word cause I really cannot find the word to describe this] how people are connected and linked. The chain of emotions and feelings, it goes on and on, somewhat somehow somewhere.

For me, it affects me because these events can happen to anyone.
Me, you, my loved ones.
And putting myself in their shoes and in the victim's families', it breaks me.
I guess that's one of the reasons why I put emphasis on journey mercy and travelling prayers.

Dear Lord Jesus,
I pray that You keep each and everyone of us safe, that You always keep us near to You and protect us under Your mighty wings. God, I pray that You be the pillar of strength for those who had meet with tragedies and that You give their families comfort and healing too. Amen.

and the question is HOW :(

Today, Joanna Ling, we believe God wants you to know that ...

your task is not to seek for love, but to seek and 
melt all the barriers within yourself that you 
have built against it.

God loves you with the very air you breathe, the very light that touches your skin,
the very ground that supports you. Love is everywhere,
- melt your barriers, and you will have love in abundance.

Love like He loves

When I heard those words, it really hit me. Like it or not, we are all connected to one another in some kind of a spider web network bond. Some bonded by lineage, others by chain of emotions (be it love, friendship or even hatred). Throughout life, there is never smooth sailing and many times we are affected not only by the choices we make but by the choices made by the people around us. 

There had been times when I ask myself why they did what they did, times when I wanted to walk away from the consequences of their choices, times when I wanted to bail out on them because I felt so angry, so disappointed, so tired of sticking around, so taken for granted and so worthless (somehow). I blame this partly on the society. Sometimes I put myself in other people's shoes and find myself stupid. Like, really just down right stupid. Why? Because normal people walk away. They turn their backs when betrayal slaps them in their face. They run from what caused them pain. And this is the current norm, aint it? So it makes me feel kinda like a masochist every time I chose to stay. (lol, seriously)

The feeling of being ignored, replaced, sidelined, back-stabbed. 

I'll be honest, it aint the best feeling in the world.

The world can be such a wicked place, and no doubt we are easily tempted, blinded and misled into making decisions that we may very well regret in the future. Once blinded, we become deaf to the advice, our hearts hardened against rationale and we hold on to that wishful thinking, that so called "hope" that what we choose will work out to be perfect.

I mean sometimes, we go all out doing things for the ones we care about, 

doing what we can to protect them, to help them, to guide them,

only to find our efforts meaningless in their eyes,
and carrying no weight in their decisions.

Then you feel so hopeless and helpless.

It's as if all you can do is watch them charge full speed, head on, towards the wall.

Anyway, my point relating back to the words in the picture is,

I suddenly thought of God. How He was there, is there and will always be there, 

despite the wrong choices I've made and the hurt He must have felt.

I think of how He too may feel the same hopelessness and helplessness. (but then again, God is Almighty and can actually snap His finger and make me make the right choice so I dunno, does He feel that way? o.o) The point is, He didn't make us as His puppets. He gave us the gift of free will and because of that, He choose to watch over us silently. 

God said to go and love as He loves.

It sounds so simple, but to really do that, to love as He loves, how many of us can do it?

For me, what God asks of us helps me in times when my voice and intentions are belittled. It's not easy and I still have the urge to give up on people occasionally, but I'm working on it :)

Someone once told me that sometimes the best thing to do is let them hit the wall.

There will definitely be consequences but the whole trial is not yours to overcome.

It is their trials. And all I can do is be tongue tied and hands tied when they decide what they decide. But watch over them and be there for them when they hit rock bottom.

officially 21 ♥

Finally legal to do the things I've been doing since 16 (just kidding, I'm a good girl k?)
Thanks to those who showed me so much love for my bday =)

Went to 1673 Bistro at Jonker Street for advance bday dinner before leaving Melaka~
Thank you Charlene and Amanda for organizing it despite the exam period! muackss! ;*

♥ you babes!

had an awesome night of fellowship with the friends! thank you babes for making time to come! thanks for dinner too! ♥

classic chicken chop :)

my phone dont have Andriea's and sulee's pic! :( waiting for Gus for 'em photos~

Memorable night! LOL to the (who do you call the person with the mike?),
she sang me a bday song, insulted me (in a friendly way I guess?)
and then pulled me to the stg for a dance lolololololol.

my friends had some laugh seeing me thr with two left feet! /.\

*wish I had more photos but my phone was phonenapped that night :'(

outfit of the night =) thanks Gus for the shot!

after dinner, went to Eleven Bar to chill! hehehe.. sorry Mean Bei! we bad influence eh? 

hahahaha... in the end she enjoyed Virgin Margarita :P

tried Asahi Beer that night~ sweet :) But Hoegaarden seems smoother though. 

Oh! and I had helium balloons for my birthday and tadaaaa~ 

WE HAD HELIUM VOICE! HAHAHAHAHA.

Big thankie to Sulee for 'de-knot-ting' the balloon ^^

I said, "THANK YOU EVERYONE" at the end. haha in case u cant make it out LOL

helium voiceeee~~ I lost one of the helium balloons. 

so sad to see it float away.. further and further away (aiseh, dramatic betul)

hehehe fun night! :D I wanna buy moarr helium! HAHAHAHA.

On my actual birth date, I woke up with a major fever and body ache.

after the trip to the doctor I just passed out on the bed till arnd 3pm.

all the accumulated stress, fatigue and sleep deprivation from exam period finally hit.

body went into full shut down.

It's a good thing I guess. Needed that rest =)

dinner with fam at Davidz Bar & Grill~ 

Grilled Lamb Shoulder- Hmm, quite dry? Portion is big though.

love the mushroom sauce for this Grilled Chicken =) chicken is nicely done too!
chicken trumps lamb! (especially for one with braces D: )

selfie with la babysis! ♥

after dinner headed home...

and CHOCOLATE INDULGENCE as le bday cake! ♥♥

omggeee LOVEEES~ hehehe!

reminds me of 2008, when my lokyuk babes celebrated my bday with me =)

cake so huge.
hehe.. next up the gifts~
Thank you all so much so so much =)
Love each and every one of it! ♥

thanks Alena, Mean Bei, Celine, Angela, Andriea, Sulee, Feli & all others!! :*
& thanks Amanda for the effort on the box! =D love yah! 

thank you Daddy, Kor, Esther (God-sis) and Mummy! ♥

Been saying thanks a lot lately. 

haha, but have to! cz I really do appreciate everything =)

Cheers to (finally) turning 21! and cheers to the many more years ahead~